With too many conspiracies being proven true lately (and mostly the sad, bad ones) I think we all deserve a new fun one. As a treat.
Especially since so many of the entertaining ones have been stolen from us, like good ol’ Nessy (who at best was a monk’s fever dream after too much scribing with dubious-plant-based inks, and at worst was a money grab, and realistically, probs both).
So I give you: There is no Eye in Evolve. (Get it? No I, no eye? Hee hee)
It starts with a great base: Jellyfish are trying to take over the world. Why? Easy- they’ve managed to float basically unchanged through all of history, ever, no matter if oceans freeze (they don’t even go dormant really. They just kind… stop… until they melt) or meteors take out half the population- big deal! They’re good! Just wait for the random midnight that happens under certain moons to repopulate under conditions even horoscope girlies think is a bit much.
Until us- humans are starting to change the ocean in ways that jellies are having to actually adjust to. Ugh. They are having to evolve for the first time… like ever. Well, more like the 3rd time, but that’s about 45000 fewer times than the next least-evolving species. They’re shifting the genus around to deal with acidification and temperature change and food scarcity. This is too much for the jellyfish. If they’re gonna have to make an actual effort- damn it- it’s gonna be a big one.
Yet hate is a strong feeling for a brainless floating blob. They’re not taking over the world to kill us all- no no! That would really trash up the waterways. They just think they, we, the planet, would be better off jelly. Jelly is great. We should all be jelly.
The process? Gotta take those weird mammalian things that crawled out of the waters back to a more suitable standard. The first move? Get rid of the eye. Don’t need that. Jelly got rhopalia, does the trick. Rhopalia are VERY light sensitive. Obviously, infiltrate leading technology (easy- have you ever seen an AI bot and a jellyfish in the same room? No. How about an IT expert and a jellyfish? No one has. Ever. Cause they’re the same). Blow up the lights. Lamps? Huge bulbs, never go out. Make them literally buzz with annoying power. Phones? Big huge screens that each update get subtly brighter. Make bigger phones more socially cool. Cars? Turn those beams UP. No human should be able to see when driving. Give up the eyeball or crash trying.
It might… it might also be moths in charge. Never mind I’ll worry about that later.
This is why you’re addicted to your phone. It’s not marketing schemes, it’s not the government taking your data. It’s the jellies.
And oh, what’s that? You can’t see now that your ridiculously over evolved orbs are reconstituted to a nice little sensory nerve? I guess you’ll be doing a lot of grasping around in the dark. If only you had more arms… many of them… maybe it would be easier to not move so much. To just… float along? BOOM. Everything is jelly.
I mean this conspiracy has EVERYTHING! A not-so-innocent-afterall main character, government infiltration, a long-con. I think it’s gonna go places. Mostly wet places. As all places should be. Dark and wet and filled with yummy zooplankton…
…what?
Jellyfish. There’s no Eye in Evolve.
